Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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