Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
