I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
