My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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