ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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