I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
