Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
