What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize