when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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