Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just blew my weed a kiss
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
