What a fucking waste of an outfit
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
