We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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