Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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