i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
