I think my vagina is haunted
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
