How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
