I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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