i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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