So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
