My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
