Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
