Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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