Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize