btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
