It's like a parade of train wrecks.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
