I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
