I hate your face
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
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