Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Randomize
