My hand turned me down
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
