I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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