Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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