Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
should my penis look like a turkey
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
