k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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