OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
