it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
