when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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