Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
