He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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