I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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