I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
