Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
