is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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