Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
