You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
