But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize