I wish my penis had an off switch
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
you had me at cake vodka
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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