1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
