you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
