Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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