Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
