their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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