dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
