Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
