just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize