The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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