The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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