I have demons in me.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
