let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
