Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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