When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
