is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
