ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
