there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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