OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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