Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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