my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
