I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
