A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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