I faked an abortion last night.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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